Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997 – 2003) was a groundbreaking tv show in many ways. Attempting to challenge stereotypes of women and invite us to explore life, relationships and inner demons through metaphors (some veiled, some not so much), it allowed us to reconsider what we know of teen horror.
Joss Whedon, writer, creator and executive producer developed the show with the intention of subverting our expectations of the female character – what would happen if the typical blonde teenage girl wasn’t so typical? Buffy the Vampire Slayer changed things, and its cult following is not a surprise. Throughout its seven TV seasons (season 8 in your comic book stores now!) it explored issues of relationships, bullying, conflict with parents, internet stalking, sexual assault, popularity, sex, mental illness, addiction, suicide, murder, child abuse, obsession, abuse of power and domestic violence.
In the second in our series on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, we look at how Buffy and her friends deal with controlling and violent relationships.
Beauty and the Beasts Season 3 Episode 4
3 beasts
The episode Beauty and the Beasts is interesting as it compares 3 men who are in some way a ‘beast’.
We have:
- Oz, who is a werewolf but takes responsibility for that and locks himself in a cage 3 nights a month
- Angel, who is a vampire with a soul who contains the beast by following a path of redemption and never allowing himself ‘true happiness’ (which would rob him of his soul), and
- Pete, who chooses to be a monster and blames it on his victims, namely his girlfriend Debbie.
The episode unfolds and Pete and Debbie present as a loving couple.
However, there are signs that things may not be entirely ok: Debbie mentions her guidance counselor whom she has been mandated to visit, and Pete shoots her a ‘look’. Then a little later he wants to go into the janitors closet to make out but Debbie says ‘no’. He coxes her in and when something makes him angry, and he begins to yell.
The blame game
Debbie is scared – he blames her for his anger and transforms into an angry-veiny-macho-violent guy.
Pete accuses her of ‘whoring’ around with other guys, asks if that’s something her shrink taught her:
to share, communicate, piss me off?
He assaults her, then returns to his normal face, expressing regret (but blaming her) and says,
You shouldn’t make me mad – you know what happens when you make me mad.
Debbie holds him and whispers,
It’s ok, it’s ok.
Later, when Pete begins killing off all the men in Debbie’s life, Buffy & Co set out to stop him.
They approach Debbie, who is in the toilet applying make up to a bruise on her face. Buffy offers advice,
You know what works? Don’t get hit.
to which Debbie responds,
It’s not his fault, it’s me, I make him crazy, he just does what he does cos he loves me so much.
Because Pete has manipulated Debbie, she takes on the responsibility for his violence.
Feeling cornered
Debbie feels cornered and claims that she never asked for anyone’s help – to which Willow says:
When were you going to? When Pete kills you it’ll pretty much be too late.
Willow’s astute assessment of the situation tells us what we already know: women in violent relationships are unsafe and are at risk of being killed. And, yes, Pete does kill Debbie.
Does this episode get it right?
In some ways, yes.
Violent men blame the victim because it means that they don’t have to take responsibility for their own violence.
And in some ways, no.
The representation of the victim as weak and passive, codependent and colluding with Pete is far from true and profoundly simplistic.
We know that many women attempt to leave many times, but the barriers they face can often make leaving impossible. But let’s not confuse staying with culpability.
Buffy’s comment, ‘Don’t get hit’ is an example of societal ignorances of the dynamics of abusive relationships. This comment places the responsibility on Debbie and somehow communicates to her that she could have avoided being assaulted.
This comment is the close cousin of
Why doesn’t she just leave?
It undermines the complexities that within an abusive relationship there are many levels of manipulation, social isolation, financial abuse and significant threat to safety. This episode does well in portraying the abusive man, but sells women short. Women who are experiencing abuse are not passive – they are surviving under significantly dangerous circumstances. It is likely they are planning, at all times, their escape, biding their time knowing that they must hide their intentions from their abuser.
Women are most at risk when planning to leave, and indeed their risk increases once they have left.
Interesting points made, however misses the other side of the episode where Buffy and Angel are “reunited” in some way and their relationship represents the complexities of real life.
Buffy was also part of an abusive relationship in the previous season when Angel lost his soul and reverted to his demonic self. She struggled for the entire season with still being in love with him but having to protect herself and her friends from his attacks. Even though she is the alpha gal, she really struggles with learning not to love him any more and dealing with his “abuse”. In the end she makes the strong decision and kills him (wouldn’t recommend this as a course of action unless your boyfriend is a homocidal vampire who is sucking the world into hell) despite his reverting to his good self.
In Beauty and the Beasts Angel returns, “good” and not only recognises and is loving towards Buffy but acts as protector by killing Pete (again, probably not a good idea unless you live in Sunnydale).
Despite knowing what Angel had done to her, her family, her friends and the entire town she still hugs him back and relishes in the feeling of being back in his arms. Something that she has literally JUST told Debbie she shouldn’t.
I think more credit should be given to this episode for demonstrating the real complexities of relationships. No one could accuse Buffy of being the victim type and she knows she’s going against her own advice but can’t help it. In later episodes when she is confronted by her friends for this she has exactly the same struggle to explain and I think it is well demonstrated.
Anyway, my thoughts!
Thanks for your comments Cath!
You are absolutely right – Buffy and Angel’s relationship has numerous parallels to an abusive relationship. In fact, many of Buffy’s relationships have been concerning – Spike (violent, controlling, coercive, stalking); Parker (coercive, emotionally abusive, made Buffy feel bad questioning his behaviour); Riley (emotionally controlling, cheated on Buffy then blamed her for it). And you’re right, Buffy’s response to Angels return is one of utter confusion and joy. Buffy has struggled with Angel’s past since she met him, knowing what he was and what he has done (a lot of unconscionable things), and she is well practiced in forgiving him.
This tells us that that the love present in relationships is a barrier to ending a relationship, abusive or not. Buffy continues to love Angel throughout the series, and to this day through the comics. There has always been a power imbalance between them – superstength or not. The risk of Angel becoming Angelus is always present. Buffy lives in fear of Angel turning, and adjusts her behaviour accordingly.
There are hundreds of essays, blogs, and theses etc written about Buffy’s relationships with men. However, this blog is more about assessing whether or not the writers and producers got it right in their portrayal of domestic violence rather than analysing the relationship itself.
I deliberately ignored Buffy and Angel’s relationship because the scope of it is too broad for this blog. And I could go on forever!
I loved hearing your thoughts Cath. Thank you for taking the time to share them!
Thanks Ada,
Point taken, indeed one could write encyclopedia’s on these topics. I just felt that ignoring this part of the episode unfairly disadvantaged the writers in regards to their portrayal of domestic violence. Commonly the early episodes dealt with individual issues briefly while the ongoing stories dealt with the issues with more complexity.
I suppose you can only premise your comments with so many disclaimers!
Keep up the good work.
C