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Kazza's story

Kazza's story

Kazza's story

I broke up with my ex-boyfriend several months ago. I am a young woman with a physical disability and he has a physical disability as well. We started going out last year and everything was really nice, I loved being with him and for a while I was on cloud nine so to speak.

Then over time, sex became more important to him than being together.

I was always open with him and told him my views on sex, and to start with he told me he was okay with that. But as the weeks passed sex became a forced issue. He told me my love for him was fake because I wasn’t ready for a sexual relationship.

He never once saw my love for him if it was outside of the bed and that hurt me so badly. So in the end I broke up with him after several attempts.

Now, months later the hurt is still there but I’m doing my best to get past it.

I’d like to think there is someone out there who will accept me for who I am, not what they want me to be.

 

How I coped

I’m still having good days and bad days. I know in my heart that my decision to leave him was the right one but it still hurts. I wish I could just forget about him. I usually write down what I’m feeling and I remind myself that I am a good, loving, caring person who didn’t deserve him. Sure, I thought of revenge and making sure he knew how much he hurt me but I knew that was only going to prolong my suffering.

 

How the situation changed

The situation changed after I left him. I had made several attempts to leave him but each time I’d go back to him because I couldn’t take the guilt trips he’d constantly put me on each time i’d attempt to leave. I told him I was unhappy and his response was “I don’t care, we’re meant to be together”. I used to be really good friends with a friend of his too but sadly I’ve lost that too. I no longer speak to him or his friend(s).

 

What helped me

My friends are the ones who made me see what was really happening to me. I wasn’t in a relationship, I was a prisoner to his needs and wants. I couldn’t believe I never saw it or put up with it as long as I did. Sometimes I wished he would hit me because then I would be able to see a problem with it, but the abuse was emotional and mental not physical and so it was harder for me to see.

 

What I would say to others

Once the ‘sorrys’ don’t mean anything more than just as a way of keeping you right where he/she wants you, then it’s time to leave. The abuse being physical or verbal shouldn’t make a difference because either one is just as damaging, You are a special person who doesn’t deserve this, your soul doesn’t deserve it either.

Yes, it hurts to leave but it hurts more staying there. There is someone out there for each of us I promise.

 

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