Everyone has a right to feel safe and free of fear in their own home.
If your partner hurts you — or abuses you, or tries to control you — this is family violence.
It’s not your fault. There is no excuse for violence.
Family violence does affect your kids. Even if they don’t see or hear the abuse, they know it’s happening.
I'd have to make sure the kids were quiet so he didn't get angry. It was a struggle to respond properly to my kids when I was always tense and worried about his reaction.
Babies and young children pick up on this, even if they’re in another room. Older children know what’s going on.
You are probably trying hard to protect them. You do your best to stop them from hearing arguments or seeing abuse. But kids are very sensitive.
Growing up in a ‘climate of fear’ is damaging to children.
When the yelling starts, she turns the TV up loud and hides with her little sister under the bed.
Does your partner, your ex, or a family member:
Stop you seeing family or friends?
Threaten to hurt you, your kids, family members … or a pet?
Make you feel scared to say no to them?
Smash things or lock you in the house?
Force or trick you to have sex or do sexual things you don’t want to?
Constantly check where you are and what you’re doing?
Call you names or deliberately make you feel bad?
Try to damage your relationship with your kids?
Control all the spending in the household?
If you ticked ‘yes’ to any of these, then there are signs that you are not being treated right, or that you are being abused. If you don’t feel safe, respected and cared for, then something isn’t right.
Name calling or put-downs are abuse too. It can hurt as much or even more than physical violence.
All forms of family violence are not ok. And some – like physical violence, threats or stalking– are a crime. There are laws to protect women and children from family violence.
Children can’t feel safe or happy if their mum is being hurt. They may feel frightened or helpless.
Some kids try to protect their mum, or they might feel angry and blame her. Some children even think it’s their fault.
They may:
I told myself as long as he's only hurting me and not my children…until one day not only did he hurt me he hit my 2 month old
Some partners try to damage the relationship between a mum and her kids. They may:
A man is not being a good dad or rold model if he abuses you, the child's mother. Even if he is caring or affectionate towards the kids, it doesn't make up for the damage he is doing hurting you.
Family violence can have a worse effect on children's development than divorce or separation.
The most important thing is your own safety, and the safety of your children. You'll probably ask yourself questions like:
There are services that can help you to work through these issues so you can decide what is best for you and your children. You don't have to deal with this on your own.
No matter what you do, no one shold hurt you or make you feel bad about yourself. If someone is treating you badly, they're doing the wrong thing, not you. You are not to blame. Don't be ashamed to ask for help.
A warm and supportive relationship with you or another family member makes a positive difference for children. You can:
Whether you decide to stay or leave the relationship:
[now] I can come home from work without fear of what is awaiting me behind closed doors. I make my own decisions, I control my own life. It's not an easy road but it far out weighs the years before.
My kids are happy now, but if I had continued with the relationship it would be the opposite.