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L's story

L's story

L's story

My husband is mentally abusive to me. He was like this while we were dating.

Not at first, of course, but over time it became apparent. It escalated after I moved in with him.

He would come home from work and yell at me about everything and anything. Then later he would act like nothing was wrong. This was confusing to me.

I was always walking on eggshells trying not to upset him. Finally I broke up with him and moved in with a friend.

But he talked me into coming back. He said he changed. He did for a while and we were later married.

His abuse is far more subtle now. He has never hit me and I don’t know that he will. He is controlling, however.

He makes all decisions affecting both of us by himself. He never asks for my input. This is very disconcerting.

He once told me that since he was the man that it was his job to make the rules and I was to obey them since I am his wife.


How I coped

I have sought professional counselling. It has helped. Now I stand up to him when he gives orders.


How the situation changed

It hasn’t really. I think he gets frustrated with me. He withdraws, pouts and witholds affection. Once he said he wanted a divorce. That is when I sought counselling. He won’t come with me though.


What helped me to get stronger

Counselling has made me stronger. I have close friends and family that I know will always be there no matter what.


What I would say to someone who is being abused

If you are considering marriage, think twice about staying. They may change, but usually not without professional counselling. If you are in a long term relationship, I strongly suggest counselling for your own sanity. You can learn to stand up for your rights and say “no.”


Related links

  • If you are in danger call 000 or contact the police in your state or territory.
  • For confidential crisis support in Victoria, information and accommodation please call the safe steps 24/7 family violence response line on 1800 015 188. If it is unsafe to call, email
  • For confidential phone help and referral in Australia, please contact 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 732, the National Sexual Assault, Family and Domestic Violence Counselling Line.
  • For free information, support, and referrals for all lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans and gender diverse, intersex, asexual and queer Victorians and their friends and family call Rainbow Door on 1800 729 367 or text 0480 017 246 or email
  • For support for men, call Men's Referral Service on 1300 766 491.